No Second Thoughts
by missk14
Summary: On the highway in the middle of country Victoria, Jen ends up being stuck on the side of the road with the last person she wanted to be alone with.


**A/N:** Bringing all the old fics over here after the forum said so long farewell :) Surprise surprise that this is another...well I don't really have to tell you who it is centred around because I think you can pretty much guess haha. The ending in this however differs from the original because the feedback was quite mixed and the more I read it the more I realised it wasn't that great haha! Also I didn't carry the A/N over fromt the forum post but this fic was originally posted on March 30th 2011 after the final ever episode :'( I had it written about two weeks prior but held off posting until after the finale so we all had something to read post City Homicide. haha. So enjoy if you haven't read it before and if you had...enjoy it anyway :) :p hehehe xxx

**No Second Thoughts.**

The almost clear skies and picturesque views of country Victoria provided a somewhat ironic background to the patently awkward moment that had eventuated between them. They were only half an hour into their journey and already it was very much apparent that neither of them really wanted to be there. She had insisted on driving and in this situation in particular, he knew better than to argue or object. It hurt him though, that she had chosen to drive. He knew her well and knew that being behind the wheel was her attempt at escapism. And unfortunately for him it was working. Driving meant that Jen could ignore him and push him out of her attention. She had reason to keep silently, she had reason to give him the cold shoulder and it was killing him.

Nick couldn't decide whether it was chance, fate, irony or coincidence- perhaps it was even a combination of the four that saw them paired together and thrust into this investigation. Either way the silence between them was increasing and showed no sign of disappearing any time soon. Jen, however, was not as content with the silence and seclusion as she would have him believe. She felt shattered and almost heartbroken but the intense tenacity running through her made her fiercely determined not to show her vulnerability to Nick. With the drama of the Dane Majors case behind them she had seen a spark, a glimmer of hope that there was a possibility of a future between her and Nick where previously she had left it in tatters. But quickly he had burst that little bubble of hers and things were no better off now then when she ended their relationship tearfully in the car that one morning.

He let out a deep sigh, looking over at Jen for a mere second before gazing out the window into the vast emptiness. He knew she was hiding something; the sadness and pain was written all over her face whether she cared to admit it or not. He didn't mean to shoot her down like he did; he honestly believed that things just simply could never happen between them. Nick felt that Jen deserved more than he could ever give her and that she deserved someone better than he could ever be. Their job proved to be an almost indestructible barrier between them and he didn't want to give her any false hope.

They weren't even halfway on their journey home and normally they would be discussing the case at great length but this was by no stretch of the imagination a set of normal circumstances. Normally he'd be smiling affectionately at her as she went on one of her normal rants in which she'd sympathise greatly with the victim and screw her nose up in abhorrence at the killer. He knew her well- well enough to know when she was angry at him and well enough to know that she wasn't going to accept the apology he so desperately wanted to give.

"Jen…" His voice broke the barrier of silence that had been sitting between them the moment they began to make the trip home, she kept looking straight ahead determined to remain silent and ignore him "Jennifer…"

His words were met with nothing as she leant for the radio and turned it on- the words of some unheard of country singer blasting through the speakers as she continued to ignore him.

"Come on Jen. Talk to me…"

"We should be home before it gets too late…maybe Matt or Wolfey will still be at Homicide and we can show them the statement from Keith Dempsey."

"Yeah…" He sighed; he knew he wasn't going to get any more out of her than that. She was a closed book- shut tightly, the contents hidden and unknown to anyone on the outside.

The next ten minutes or so followed the exact same pattern; every now and then Nick would say something or make some form of comment with the hope that Jen would respond and the two would jump into endless conversation. This of course was met with the same reply that he had been given on more than one occasion during their trip home. His words were most often met with either a mumbled response or a short sharp sentence involving the urgency to get back to Melbourne and present the statement to their superior officers. The more Nick thought about it the more useless it seemed- he was fighting a losing battle and he was almost ready to throw in the towel. Maybe, as much as it pained him to think so, Jen was always going to get hurt. If he turned her away from fear of not being good enough for her she was going to get hurt, but if he stayed with her he knew something would go wrong and thus a broken hearted Jennifer Mapplethorpe would be the result.

She hated pushing him aside but she had to do it- for her own sanity and frame of mind if she didn't push him away she'd find herself heartbroken all over again. She could feel his eyes watching her as she drove along the highway, she could feel the hairs on her arms stand up on end knowing that his piercing hazel eyes were fixed on her and only her. There was a time not too long before where she would have given anything for him to look at her the way he was right then but now it was different. Now she just wanted to get away from it, she wanted a chance to move on from him before their previous relationship tied her down and anchored her to the spot.

"What was that?" Nick asked, feeling the car jolt in a sudden movement following a snapping sound that protruded from the front of the car

"I don't know. We'll be fine…" She brushed it off and continued driving, blocking out the sound of Nick's voice as he told her to pull over so he could check it out "Dammit!" She hissed under her breath as she felt the car slow down to an almost complete stop

"Just pull over Jen." Nick spoke calmly, resisting the urge to say 'I told you so'.

Reluctantly admitting that she had been wrong and should have stopped the car sooner, she pulled over to the side of the road. She let go a heavy exasperated sigh as steam seeped out from beneath the bonnet. Great, just what she needed, she thought to herself as Nick got out of the car and went to take a look. Now she was stuck in the middle of nowhere with the one man she wanted to get away from.

**...**

Nick wasn't quite sure whether to smirk and grin in victory or groan with annoyance at the fact that he and Jen were now stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing but each other for company. It was the perfect opportunity for the two of them to talk things over but he knew that Jen would find some way to keep herself occupied which would mean she had no reason to delve into conversation with him.

"Its not great news…" He called out as he closed the bonnet and walked around to the side of the car to find Jen leaning against it starring out into the paddock "She's cooked- overheated. We're not going anywhere any time soon Jen"

"So we're stuck? We've got to get back to Homicide with Mr. Dempsey's statement!"

"Well they'll just have to wait now won't they?" He tried not to laugh at the look on Jen's face. It read something like _You better get me out of here or there'll be hell to pay_. "Relax Jen, we'll figure something out."

"I'm calling Wolfey…maybe he can sort something out." She said hastily as she grabbed her phone quickly and began dialling

"Give me that…" Nick said as he took the phone out of her hands much to her dismay "Come on Jen, don't give me that look. Just let me call him."

"Nick!" She hissed, grabbing at the phone- annoyed that he wouldn't give it up

"Sarge, Nick here… we've umm run into a slight problem. No, no nothing with the case. It's the car; no Jen and I are fine. The car, not so much. It's overheated, it's not going anywhere. We're in the middle of nowhere Sarge. Okay…yep, okay. Do I get reimbursed for this? Nope, didn't think so. Okay Sarge, I'll give you a call then. Bye." He hung up and handed the phone gently to Jen with a smirk on his face.

"Thankyou…" She muttered before sliding it back into her pocket "What did he say?"  
"He said to call for a tow truck and go with the car to the nearest town."  
"And that's it?"  
"No…" He tried to avoid telling Jen the rest of what Stanley Wolfe had told him, knowing it was going to go down like a lead balloon

"Nick, tell me what he said."

"Wolfe said to call him later…" He fed her bit by bit of the conversation, afraid that when he gave her the complete picture he would have to duck for cover

"When is later?" She asked, getting slightly annoyed that Nick was toying with her and not telling her everything "Nick…"

"Tomorrow morning…" He said quickly before beginning to walk away from her

"NICK!" She called out as she grabbed his arm and spun him around, un able to break the connection as their eyes gazed instinctively into each others "What do you mean tomorrow morning?"

"They're all completely snowed under Jen... they can't spare anyone to come and get us. So…someone is coming up tomorrow morning to come and get us."  
"What are we doing in the mean time?"

"He told us to get a motel room."  
"He what?"  
"Told us to get a motel room. Stay there the night and they'll come and get us in the morning."

"What makes you think I'm going to share a room with you?"

He chuckled at the sight of her, he wasn't sure that he wanted this anymore than she did but when she was frustrated she pulled a face that made him weak at the knees. He loved that about her, that she had this- almost power over him. But there were certain days, like that very moment, where he hated the very control that Jennifer Mapplethorpe had over him.

"Well, I don't think you have much of a choice Miss Mapplethorpe." He grinned as he took out his own phone and dialled for a tow truck.

**...**

The ride from where their car had died on the spot to a town called god knows what to stay in a motel run by god knows who in the middle of nowhere was completely uneventful to say the least. Forced to make small talk between the two of them and the tow truck driver who went by the name of Wazza was both painstaking and annoying for Nick and Jen. Although even if Nick wouldn't admit it in front of Jen he did enjoy watching her frustrations grow with every second that went by. The annoyance slowly building up as Nick did nothing to try and destroy the closeness between Jen and himself. There was nothing to be done to increase the distance between them given that the two of them were squashed onto the front seat with no room to even stretch their arms out without bumping the other. Contact was un avoidable, there was nothing Jen could do about her thigh resting against Nick's- there was nothing she could do to get out of being all too close to Nick Buchanan.

**...**

She had the motel in her sights now- she'd left Nick to book the motel while she made a tedious journey into the oddly small town to get supplies. There was no escaping now – she was stuck for the next few hours with the one man she wanted to forget forever. She just hoped that there were two rooms available, that way she could shut her eyes peacefully without knowing that he would be watching her as she slept. Nick however, wasn't quite sure what he wanted. Part of him wanted to be sleeping in the same room as her- even if they were in separate beds it wouldn't have fazed him in the slightest. Truth be known he'd never really slept the same since Jen was no longer beside him, things had never been the same and as he would have himself believe the failure between them had always been his fault. The other part of him wanted to leave her alone, it didn't want to talk to her or be near her. He wanted to let her be, let her move on with her life; he didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had. The events that had unfolded between them that afternoon were of the most unfortunate kind and they just made him realise what a huge mistake he had been making.

"I was beginning to wonder when you'd show up." Nick smiled as he stood at the centre of the infinitesimal car park "I thought you were going to get supplies?"  
"I did." She smiled triumphantly as she stood next to him "And I got them."  
"I thought you were going to get food…" He sighed as he took the bag off her and found a pair of tracksuit pants and a t-shirt "Clothes? Jen we're stuck in the middle of nowhere and you buy clothes?"  
"Nick you can sleep in your underwear all you want. But I'm not about to."  
"Damn…" He bent close and whispered in her ear "I was looking forward to that."

Nothing could be done to wipe the look of sheer disbelief and shock off Jen's face as her eyes followed Nick who grinned at devilishly before walking towards motel room number seven. She followed him quickly- intent on putting him in his place which would be, if she had any say in it, the couch in their room. He wasn't quite sure what had possessed him to say that to her. Part of him just wanted to see her smile but deep down, really he knew that his suggestive comments weren't going to get him anything but a death stare and the cold shoulder. He couldn't handle the isolation, so maybe his slightly inappropriate comments were a way to destroy any loneliness he felt by bridging the gap of silence even if it was only for a second.

Nick would have said something inherently funny as he turned the key, but he knew he'd over stepped the mark. He'd hurt her again just like he had so many other times. Now he just wanted to get back to Homicide so he could let her live her life the way she was always meant to- without him. They just had to get through the next few hours in the small confined space where the proximity between them was gut wrenching.

"Here we are…" He sighed as he swung the door open. Jen's jaw dropped to the ground instantly whilst Nick felt as though his heart was going to cave in on his chest- this was all he needed.

"You've got to be kidding." Jen scoffed as she threw the plastic bag down on the bed "This isn't going to work! Couldn't you get a different room? _TWO_ rooms maybe?"

"Jen this was all they had…the last room."  
"And the last room just so happened to have only the one king size bed?"

"Do you want to sleep in the car?" He asked, that same cheeky smile gracing his face- he knew _exactly_what her answer was going to be.

She gave a muffled response and walked into the bathroom, closing the door with a definitive thud behind her. He didn't quite know whether to smile or sigh in defeat as he sat at the end of his bed, kicking his shoes off and loosening tie. He was right there in the moment, he was in the situation he had been praying for since he pushed her away. But now he found that he was questioning himself yet again for the umpteenth time that day. He still felt that he was never going to be good enough for her, that he would always subconsciously find a way to disappoint her. He knew he wanted to be in the same room as her, to breathe the same air and to be so close to her that his breath hitched but now he just didn't know if it was the right thing. Now Nick didn't know whether he could make it through the next few hours being so painfully close to her that he felt his heart twisting.

**...**

The lights were off and the room was in an eerie blackness except for the soft tiny glimmer of moonlight that was seeping through a gap in the curtains. Nick and Jen lay on their backs- the distance between them was so close yet so far. She had pulled the blankets right up in an attempt to take in any warmth in that she could, despite wanting nothing more than the warmth she knew that she would get from the comfort of Nick's arms. He, on the other hand, had his arms resting gently on top of the covers; hoping that by some miracle she would eventually give in and rest her hand in his but he knew that was a long shot.

_Sitting in a hotel miles from nowhere, thought that this would be my happiness._

He lay there for a moment, trying to think back to where it had all gone wrong. Where was it that things really started to un ravel? Nick had always taken it upon himself to take the blame for their fallen romance. He had always seen it as though he had done something wrong and he should be the one to fix it. The more that he thought about it the more guilty he felt- he felt guilty about their entire relationship. He hated himself for not being there for her more often and for not seeing how much the secrecy had been killing her. What was worse in his mind was that he was so angry when she pushed him away. He almost hated her for it and hated himself for loving her so much. But when their chance came up again he turned around and did exactly what he hated her so much for doing.

_I look around the room and wonder when it was and how my life has changed._

"Jen…" His voice was low and almost on the verge of some kind of emotional turmoil- he was seconds away from both walking out on her and never looking back and taking her in his arms right then and there, it could've gone either way very quickly "Are you awake?"

Her eyes were wide open but she didn't dare look at over at him, if she did she would've broken and shattered all the barriers she had set up for herself. They were both incredibly indecisive about the whole situation. Both wanted nothing more than to be in the others arms and to never let go but still they both seemed to have set up these virtually impermeable barriers. Despite wanting each other more than they even knew themselves neither seemed to think that the love was warranted.

"I guess not…" He muttered to himself, not even bothering to look beside him to see that she was very much awake

"No…I'm here." She answered eventually, not quite sure why she was talking to him but something deep down compelled her to speak

"Ohh…good, good." He mumbled, now that he had the opportunity he wasn't quite sure what to say

"Did you have something to say Nick?" She asked, very voice humble and soft

_I know I let you go and I got no right to know…do you ever get lonely?_

"No it's nothing…" He lied, he wanted to say he was sorry, he wanted to apologise for everything- he just wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do "I'm good."  
"Ohh okay then…" She sighed, closing her eyes gently. She guessed that the hope that he wanted to talk to her was just elusive and built on dreams of grandeur

"Aren't you lonely Jennifer?"  
"What?" She asked with confusion as her eyes opened suddenly

"Lonely. Aren't you ever lonely?"  
"Ohh…well I don't know…I mean, we're always at work. I don't suppose I ever have time to think about being _lonely_." She lied, of course she was lonely. She hated not being with Nick, she clutched the pillow he would use at her house for comfort and warmth of a night time and refused to sleep on the one side of the bed. Instead she slept smack bang in the middle, hoping to achieve some kind of happy medium.

"I guess that's true."  
"Why'd you ask Nick? It doesn't matter to you..."  
"Of course it matters…" He sighed, reaching out for her hand only to realise he was clutching at handfuls of blanket "Why wouldn't it."  
"We never talk about this…we _don't_ talk about this."  
"Jen…" He spoke softly as he rolled onto his side so he could see her "We have to talk about this."

"No we don't Nick. We've never talked about this, so what is doing it now going to achieve?"  
"You can't ignore me for the rest of your life Jennifer. We work together."  
"Well maybe I can."  
"No…I know you and you can't do it. You couldn't do it Jen even if you wanted to."

_Don't you ever get tired of living that way?_

"I won't talk about it Nick." She protested to the best of her ability even though deep down she knew it was practically inevitable that she would succumb to the power of it all

"Fine, just listen then." She could hear the tension in his voice and it almost made her heart break, he was about to pour his heart out to her- she knew it, but she was willing to push him away again and she didn't even know the reason why. "I'm sorry Jen. I shouldn't have pushed you away like I did. But I had to…"

"Had to? When you were so bloody well cut up about me pushing you away because I didn't want to make you leave Homicide. You almost hated me for that, don't think I didn't notice. We were just starting to get things back to where they were Nick…" The quiver in her voice tugged at his heart with an unimaginable pain "You turned me away…this is your fault."

"I know…but…" He struggled to put the words together knowing very well he was about to break her heart "I'm…I'm not going to be good enough for you Jen. You deserve more than me. I mean…who'd want to be with an old cop like me who renovates his house for fun?"

She felt the lump in her throat intensify- so that's why he had ignored her. This was why he had tried to move away from her- he was scared of hurting her and she hated herself for thinking he didn't love her anymore. Love was the very thing that was keeping them apart and she wondered if it had the power to keep them together.

"I do…" She whispered as she untucked her hand from the safe confides of the covers, reaching out in darkness to find his hand only to realise he had been facing her the entire time

"No you don't. I'm no good for you."

"Shut up…" She smiled as she turned to face him, running her fingers gently along his cheek bone "You don't know what I want."  
"I'm no good for you Jen."  
"I think I can decide on that one."

"I'm sorry," He muttered still too proud to show her how heartbroken he was, he was trying to push her away for her sake but she wasn't letting him "Sorry."  
"Don't be. I'm not."  
"Its too risky Jen…one of us is going to have to leave Homicide."

"You're starting to sound like someone else I know." She chuckled "No second thoughts. Just take the risk Nick; if things go bad then that's what happens. It'll be worth it." She smiled at him and moved a bit closer "How long have we got till they come and get us in the morning?"

"Oh we've got a few hours yet."  
"Good." Jen said as she shuffled so she was right up against him, forcing him into a position where he had no choice but to wrap his arm around her and hold her close "Good." She sighed with contentment as the two of them lay there in a comfortable silence.

Nick was glad that she had forgiven him; he thought he had well and truly screwed things up for them but now he knew he hadn't. He kissed the top of her head gently as she nestled against his chest, neither noticing that the blankets had receded and they were both now enjoying the warmth that radiated as they held each other close.

"Love you…" He whispered as he held her close

"I know." She smiled, knowing exactly what it meant for Nick to voice his feelings out loud

He leant down kissed her again gently, leaning in so his lips were softly caressing her neck as he whispered twords tenderly into her ear. It made her smile and her heart flutter to listen to such sweet nothings; they both closed their eyes and let slumber take over as they tried to forget that in just a few hours they'd be back at work. But the few hours they had together would be suffice...for now.

* * *

_**Song:**_

Lonely- Shannon Noll


End file.
